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Why is it so difficult for most of us to say: “I don’t know”? We frequently hear questions like “What are your plans? How do you see yourself in 5 years? What is your target? What are the next steps?” I used to have an answer ready for all these question, almost like I had been rehearsing them internally. Some I repeated so often that they came out firmly and self-confident. It felt like pushing the play button and talking like a robot, trying to find a safe harbor in my words. Looking back to what I planed and what happened in my life, I ask myself if it makes sense to make plans. Maybe, what I really felt sometimes deep inside when asked about plans was that I don’t have a f… idea. But not knowing is perceived as being lost, not being focused, not having aims in life. After realizing that almost nothing went as planed and that lots of energy was lost in planing and controlling, I started to release. Worse that that, some plans that I pushed forward, at any price, caused suffering to myself and probably to others. BUT how to live, work, pay bills, take care of the family, house etc. without making any plans? There should be a happy medium, I told myself. What I experienced so far is that there is a difference between taking practical actions and controlling the natural flow of life. Yes, practical actions are required when life situations arise. And our mind is perfect for executing these actions. However, the trouble arises when the mind, further to simply executing, takes over and wants to control the natural flow. When it takes over and suppresses our natural gut feeling, intuition. In addition to literally getting crazy as life runs like sand through our fingers, we loose a lot of energy and may even cause harm by forcing our actions upon others. We also end up limiting infinite possibilities that could arise if we would just leave space. As Suzuki says: “In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities. In the expert’s mind there are few.” There is nothing wrong about making plans and taking practical actions when the target is clear. However, when the plan does no longer make sense and we are ready to recalculate the route, we should allow ourselves not to know while we are recalculating. The first time I could answer “I don’t know” out of my heart was about one year ago when my dad asked me about my plans. It felt liberating, although I still try to hold it, to grasp it, to fill the map with a new route… And when fear comes because I simply don’t know, I tell myself: “Keep calm, nothing is under control. Relax and enjoy the ride :)”
“Do not seek fame Do not make plans Do not be absorbed by activities. Do not think that you know. Be aware of all that is and dwell in the infinite. Wonder where there is no path. Be all that heaven gave you. But act as though you have received nothing. Be empty. That is all.”
Chuang Tsu
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