I
I was in this party when a person approached and asked me what I do, who I am… I pressed the usual “play button” and started reciting my life story. I did it so many times and knew it by heart. Sometimes I added some different colors and light so that it could be more interesting or even extraordinary. But this time was different. I was listening to my own voice, as if I was a third person watching the scene. I felt distant from the story I was telling. This made me realize how attached I am to these identities and masks I created. So many layers of masks which prevented me to see beyond. I am my job, I am my creation, I am the things I own, I am my body, I am my relationship, I am my ideas, I am my achievements, I am my spiritual search… So what happens if I drop these identities, one by one? What if there is nothing left to identify myself with? Isn’t that frightening? So I started to slowly slowly drop all these little stories about the big I and allow space to emerge. It has been very challenging, as I sometimes feel loose, with no reference, no place to grasp and support my ego. Like falling in an empty space where I cannot see what is above, below, in front and behind. Just be in the now. Specially in autumn, nature teaches me that letting go all leaves enables the tree to move inwards and create space for the new. The transformation happens inside, in stillness, when the tree retreats its energy in winter and prepares for whatever arises in spring. It will be always supported and nourished and does not judge or desire for change. This is the way of nature and we are part of it. Shunryu Susuki taught me “When you try to understand everything, you will not understand anything. The best way is to understand yourself, and then you will understand everything. And to understand yourself, you must forget about yourself.”
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